Tiny, tiny tete-a-tete narcissi (of droplet fame)
How much detail do I want out there? Is anyone interested? Is this blog real or fake?
I do know that in the past, when I've spilled out here, it has been healing and the support I have received has helped hugely. I have friends out there whose words have made me smile and feel understood.
How about I list the stuff that's BAD and has had me feeling rock bottom, interspersed with some photos of the stuff that has kept me sane? A good compromise, methinks.
:: Deep Breath ::
The Main Issue - No2 has gone off the rails a bit, in what I can only hope is a temporary blip. His behaviour at school over the last few weeks has resulted in him being excluded for over 2 weeks, the last 3 days of which he had to spend in a special 'unit' for excluded children. I won't go in to all the gory details because I want to forget it and hopefully, in years to come, maybe even laugh about it. A positive note that has come of it is that he has agreed to have some bereavement counselling at Helen House (where I go to my parent's group). He has met with the sibling support worker and it seems that he has found something there worth going back for. We are going back to Oxford on Friday. They have a wonderful support team there and a club for siblings, both bereaved and those living with a life-limited brother or sister. The club is called The Elephant Club because 'an elephant never forgets'. Inspired. Another photo required - quick:
Needless to say, the stress of all of this has nearly killed me and I have felt so low and out of control. I simply didn't know what I could do for him. Things haven't been great with him for the last 6 months or so, but I just put it down to pre-teen behaviour. I am so aware that I can't be everything to him and I have never felt that moreso than in the last few weeks. My course has suffered hugely because I haven't been able to concentrate and I've felt so exhausted. I'm not even sure I want to teach anymore. I have loved learning, but teaching is a whole different ball game.
Anyway, my tutors have been wonderful and I have been given an extension to finish this terms work by July, at home, apart from a group presentation which I have been working on together with some friends on the course, which we will do next Tuesday. I don't have to do the second half of my placement - that was really bothering me because it meant I wouldn't be in til 6pm each night and I wasn't happy leaving No2 home alone for a month after school. Goodness knows what he'd get up to... I will get the written work done and then decide if the the course really is for me. If not, who knows?
Meanwhile, a trip to my GP reveals that I am seriously anaemic, which explains the tiredness, and so, with iron on board, hopefully I shall begin to feel more energised.
One thing I have been doing (in copious amounts) is making things with yarn! Oh yes, the healing power of yarn. I will show off my efforts in another post. I know I'm out of sorts because I have more than one project on the go. Very unlike me - I'm usually quite disciplined. Usually.
More blue sky
So there you have it. In a nutshell; the bare bones of the trouble. A day at a time, I guess. I should know that by now.