The first group presentation was focused on Michelangelo's Pieta sculpture. Mark talked about this image and how it represented loss. I found it incredibly powerful to see Mary cradling the body of Jesus in her arms. It resonated with me in a way that words cannot describe. I think the image will stay with me forever.
Mark talked about a sense of holding on and letting go. It is a feeling that I am aware of now in my life, as I move on into territory that is new and challenging. Territory that I wouldn't have been entering had my darling boy not left me. I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervous. I would be lying if I said I wasn't dreading the conversations that are going to be inevitable about how many children I have (I still haven't formulated the response that I find comfortable...) It is proof that life continues and I can only hope that Tom's spirit is holding me up and pushing me forwards. It comes very easily to me to feel guilty that I am moving on without him, but when I get the chance for some dedicated time to focus on my grief, such as the time I spend at Helen House, it allows me to see that, actually, my grief is still there, just under the surface, and I find this a huge comfort to let my tears flow freely and without any fear. It affirms to me that the decision I made after Tom passed away, that I would not try to get over losing him, but instead learn to live with losing him, was the right decision to make.
We were blessed with a glorious September day and the gardens at the house were perfect for spending time either alone or with friends that I have made. They were filled with birdsong and butterflies. I discovered the most amazing walled kitchen garden and swings hidden in oak trees. I was drawn to this bench, flanked by agapanthus and looking down towards rolling hills beyond immaculate beds and perfectly cut lawn.
I proved to myself that I am not a shameless blogger, armed with a camera, photographing everything! I think I behaved in an appropriate manner, without taking advantage of the family's privacy and limited my images to just three as a reminder of a lovely day...