Friday, 21 March 2008

Good Friday...

Just wanted to say 'Happy Easter'.

I've got friends arriving later this afternoon for the weekend and I will be cooking lunch on Sunday for 17...Jamie Oliver's slow-cooked shoulder of lamb...should read shoulders! From this book.

These golden bunnies are itching to escape the cupboard that they've been hiding in for the last week...

And for those of you who guessed correctly as to my latest knitting project , here they are in all their glory. They were such good fun to do; I really enjoyed playing around with the pastel colours - a palette I don't often use.

Of course, I did the now obligatory mosaic...

You can find the pattern here - for next year now, unless you're a very speedy knitter!
I'm wondering if it will really snow, as forecast. That will add an interesting dimension to our annual Easter Egg Hunt...
On a more personal note, I am finding Easter hard, again - I did last year. Tom became ill on Easter Monday 2 years ago (although the dates are different) and that Easter was to be our last big family occasion. I will take some flowers to the cemetery on Sunday and put down a little basket of eggs for his brother, cousins and friends to share.
I can remember doing some gardening on that Easter Monday and thinking that he didn't seem quite himself and was getting chesty. One of our community nurses visited us the following day. She seemed quite concerned about his pallor; he was getting blue around his mouth. I wasn't overly concerned at that time because I was used to his chestiness. He'd been in respiratory failure for over a year and was oxygen-dependant at night and on prophylactic anti-biotics for his chest. Deep down though, I was always trying to be positive about the eventual outcome of all Tom's many, many problems. The nurse decided to go and get a sats monitor and on her return, the decision was made to get him onto oxygen straight away as the levels of oxygen in his blood were very low. Luckily, I had everything to hand at home should any emergency ever arise and so we could use the portable tanks we had stored in the cupboard.
I'm not really ready to write about the end just yet. But it came just 11 days after that Easter Monday. My little boy made me so proud. Despite being gravely ill, he showed me love and dignity in his own special way, and a quiet determination to do things at his own pace and in his own time.
My fingers just ran away with me there, but I won't apologise, if you don't mind. It wasn't going to be such a personal post. Maybe spontaneity is a good thing...


  1. Can I give you a hug? (((((T))))) I think it's great that you felt comfortable enough to let your fingers type away with you - I'm sure each and every time you express the feelings, it helps in some small way.

    I cannot imagine how awful the whole experience of losing a child is - surely the worst possible thing for a mother(or father)?

    Will be thinking of you this weekend (cooking for 17 :-O Are you MAD???)

    Take care. xxx

    PS - That mosaic of the knitted eggs is one of the loveliest things I've seen. If you ever felt like getting it turned into a card (via or somewhere similar) I would definitely like to buy some.

  2. 17 people - good grief, woman! Feed them woolly eggs to keep them quiet perhaps?

    I'm glad you're brave enough to write about Tom, and I really hope your writing is helping - as Kitty said, I wish I could reach out and give you a huge hug, this weekend of all weekends. I'll be thinking of you, especially on Monday.

  3. Spontaneity is good. It is lovely to read about Tom. I'll be thinking about you on Monday.

    The Easter Egg mosaic is just lovely! I am going to have to ahve a play with those mosaics next time there is a pile of ironing to be done. And let us know how those shoulders of lamb turn out!


  4. {{{hugs}}}

    I don't know what to say: being able to talk about it will make a difference.

  5. Sometimes it's good to blurt. I feel really pleased for you that you are able to talk about Tom here now and share the difficult days. Hugs.

    And 17 hungry folks? Good luck! I've done that slow roast shoulder recipe though and it was fantastic. Hope they appreciate it (and your cute eggs!)

  6. Yes, I agree. Those little blurty moments can be the best healers. Roll with it, T *mwah*.
    Your eggs are tempting me to give that pattern a go - right up until the moment where I don't understand the instructions (line 2 *cough*).
    And we have Lindt bunnies, too.
    Happy Easter!

  7. You have absolutely no reason whatsoever to apologise, and it is lovely to hear about Tom, whenever you feel you want to or need to write about him. Thinking of you on Monday (and hiding your blog from my entire family so they don't get any mad ideas-17????!!! You are putting me to shame...) thinking of you xxxx

  8. Thinking of you and No2 and all of Tom's family and friends as you remember him.

  9. that egg mosiac is gorgeous, I want a card of it too!
    hope your dinner is delicious and that you have some happy Easter memories, take care, big hugs, xxx

  10. Those times when your thoughts pull together in a spontaneous way are probably the best days to let them flow to your fingers. Never apologise for that!

    The eggs are just beautiful.

  11. I've come across your blog today, and I'm sorry for the loss of your son. Please let your fingers run spontaneous. Let your feelings out and talk about your son. Share the hurt as well as the fun and the laughs.

    {{hugs}} from a total internet stranger

  12. Catching up and just read this post - keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. Tom was a lucky boy to have a mom like you.


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